Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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