He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
