Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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