She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
