He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
