in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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