and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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