i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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