You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
