he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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