well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
