Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
