sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
