Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
