I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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