Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
