Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
