i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
