She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
