Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
