I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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