Umm I'm too high to move.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
