How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
