please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
