Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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