She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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