You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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