drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
