i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
