I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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