She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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