somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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