She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
