i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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