I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
