I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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