Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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