Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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