Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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