Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
