I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
