i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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