my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
