Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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