I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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