I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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