Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
