So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
