Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
