I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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