He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
