I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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