I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
More tranny stories later!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
