Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
