Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
