first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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