So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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