Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
