that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
