Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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