it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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