getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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