you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
