Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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