It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I CAN MOONWALK!
farters have to be the big spoon...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
