Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont even know how to be here
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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