Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
