So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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