Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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