so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
