Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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