I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
