I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize