i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
