In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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