i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
