I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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