can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
