i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
