Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
