After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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